They're all happy
No new cuts at all,
Only ugly little scars
Holding a million secrets.
They are all happy
But are you?
From the sleepless nights,
To the nightmares
So frightening
that you're scared to remember them,
To the bite marks and bruises
And the tears drying on your cheeks.
No one knows what happens at night,
When you're in your room in tears.
You scratch and scratch.
Just a little blood that's all you want,
Scars don't bleed though.
They are happy
But are you?
I don't know how you could see this body as perfect
When all I see is mistakes
I'm not sure how you looked into my eyes and said you saw angels
when all I can see is deep darkness hiding demons in the shadows
You claimed I'm was too skinny and needed to eat
I say I'm not skinny enough and refuse to touch anything
You said I should open
I say I'm under lock and key
You said you where leaving
I want you to stay
You said I was beautiful
I only see ugliness
You said you'd return
I knew you wouldn't
Your last words to me where full of hate
and finally we agreed on something
I'm fucking fine.
Just dandy my dear.
Though my wrist are torn,
my lips sewed shut,
my heart crumbled on the floor
as I curl up in a tiny corner.
I'm still fine.
I am taking my medicine.
I'm doing what you want.
I am crying myself to sleep at night.
I'm just fine.
I have a smile on my face.
I have my sleeves pulled down.
I am standing here, aren't I?
I'm fine.
Why don't you believe me?
Everything is okay.
How are you today?
Oh, me? I'm just fine.
but I'm lying again.
You are my obsession.
Source of my depression.
One that I crave.
Love that is depraved.
I still hold on to.
I would die for you.
Even if you're not here.
My mind just won't clear.
Only one I want.
Continually haunt.
Mentally I attack.
I'd still take you back.
Glad you disappeared.
Return I feared.
Walk through my door.
Want you even more.
Wonder if I'll heal.
Was this even real?
Protect me from strangers,
Those that want to harm.
Protect me from liars,
Using me for their good.
Protect me from my heart,
It's so easy to break.
Protect me from the voice,
She has such anger.
Protect me from depression,
It can overwhelm.
Protect me from myself,
I'm the biggest threat.
Trying to get myself up.
Surrounded by dirty cups.
Really need some motivation.
Tired of this bored sensation.
Want to get up and clean.
Or go out and be seen.
Want to go out for a walk.
Or call a friend and talk.
Turn up the music and sing.
Just want to do something.
Hope that I don't get fired.
So tired of just being tired.
Psychotic Depression by TheMeTheyDontSee, literature
Literature
Psychotic Depression
According to my doctor's session,
I have psychotic depression.
I looked it up online.
I'm worried by my find.
It's worded different ways,
But serious it always says.
The diagnosis goes to few.
The description seems to be true.
Aware the voices aren't real.
Ashamed of how I feel.
Hid the voice for many years.
Being found, greatest of my fears.
This means a change in pill.
Make me no longer ill.
Doctor says my depression's strange.
My medication's got to change.
He says he found a cure.
I wonder if he's really sure.
An experimental pill,
Will stop me being ill.
Medicine is brand new,
But what else can I do.
If my depression will go away,
What else can I say?
Why is it so hard to care?
I know that I should be there.
I ignore the bell I hear chime.
Instead I sit and waste time.
There's nothing that I want to do.
The things I enjoy are few.
I know that I should be at work,
But my responsibilities I shirk.
The pills make me no longer sad,
But apathy is just as bad.
So I just let time go by.
I wonder when I'll finally try.
Laughing, laughing.
Over and over and over.
Stop! Shut up!
Get out of my head!
Are you laughing at me?
Are you even laughing,
Or are you just a voice,
Just a soundtrack?
Over and over.
Driving me crazy.
Already crazy.
What am I now?
Will this ever end?